I wasn't aware that change was coming, nor was I ready. I think honestly I enjoyed the pity party of my dark place. It was attention I thought I needed to fulfill the lost part of me. Little did I know what God had in store?
The CG's (community groups) at that time, were set up for women one day of the week and the men on another day of the week, and this was my time for a "break." Don't get me wrong I love my children and always will. However, when you're home away from home is thousands of miles away, having time away is hard. This group was significant to me. It took me a while to open up to these women. They were very patient with me! I enjoyed going over the sermons, loved game nights, and the girls nights out.
Building relationships for me at the time was a challenge. I have to admit I was scared, only because I was afraid of whom I was, and I did not want judgment.
God designed us to desire community!
Here are some scripture verses I feel like God is placing on my heart for you to see of!
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Acts 10:24-25
For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. Matthew 18:20.
Without community, it is very easy to fall into a dark place!
One Sunday, our Pastor recommended a book to the whole church called: " A praying life" by Paul Miller. Because he spoke so passionately about it, I went out and purchased it. Just as I had started to read it, the ladies gave an announcement that some of the other women were reading it too. We were going to add that into our discussions. Great! I now had accountability to read the book. Where we could talk about our struggles, likes and dislikes within the text.
The women of CG confirmed that God still loved me and that I should spend time daily in prayer. A praying life changed my prayer life. I highly recommend reading it. If you have read it, reread it (which is something I should do as well). One thing I took away from reading the book is, "Check in with God, talk to him like you check in with your friends or parents."
That evening I started a prayer journal. This way I could pray, write down my thoughts, and keep track of what God was doing in my life. As I read this book, it also reminded me that God wants me to pray to Him, and he wants the relationship with me! I can honestly say I did not believe it at first. I felt so unworthy after being in the dark place I was in. However, I cried out to him on paper! The majority of the prayers in my prayer journal were for others and their personal prayer requests. Summer came quickly, and our Cg group was done for with the summer. So with my prayer journal and Sunday fellowship with my new church family, I was being fulfilled.
My sister recommended a book called, "Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas. While reading this book on my "summer vacation," I realized that I needed work too. It never occurred to me that I might require change. That God might be trying to change my heart and calling me closer to Him. After seeing some prayers answered; I learned that I could trust God again. Here is the first prayer I think, that changed the way I thought about myself and my life!
Dated 8/3/11 Lord I stand in awe of you! All praise and glory to you! Thank you so much for your help with my prayer and making it consistent, for me needing you and only you. For helping me crawl out of this dark place I have been in. Lord don't let go of me! Hold me close and love me! Hold me and mold me, teach me. I surrender all I am to you to help me be the women you always wanted me to be. I love you, Lord!
From that day forward as I prayed, I prayed for a change in me. I prayed I would grow in God's ways, and that I would be crown for my husband. Also, that I would be a woman after God's heart. I was completely unaware of "The Change" God had done; it wasn't until my family had pointed out a change in me that I even noticed it. I couldn't tell you exactly what they saw, but they commended me for the work I had been doing.
School started for my oldest child and so did Cg group this time with a twist, we began meeting with both boys and girls (husbands and wives together). Thankfully some of the women in my previous group were now in my new group. This was when my desire for community was burning even more. The idea of friendships, the availability to have other women who were like me, desiring a closer walk with the Lord is what I needed. God knew the loneliest place in my heart, that ache for more wasn't just community, but it was an ache for God! I needed more of Him every day!
Each morning we would stand at the bus stop. It was a challenge to get all 3 kids out of bed and out to the bus on time. Who knew that a simple bus stop could lead to lasting friendships and family? More to come...
This period in my life was the foundation of my heart being shaken, where I saw my need for God, my need for relationship, and my need for grace.
"A praying life" by Paul Miller http://www.amazon.com/dp/1600063004/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=31009452805&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4803709672057641836&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_7knzrbm98r_b
"Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Influence-Wives-Shape-Husbands-ebook/dp/B000SEOEGE/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1431547573&sr=1-1&keywords=sacred+influence
The CG's (community groups) at that time, were set up for women one day of the week and the men on another day of the week, and this was my time for a "break." Don't get me wrong I love my children and always will. However, when you're home away from home is thousands of miles away, having time away is hard. This group was significant to me. It took me a while to open up to these women. They were very patient with me! I enjoyed going over the sermons, loved game nights, and the girls nights out.
Building relationships for me at the time was a challenge. I have to admit I was scared, only because I was afraid of whom I was, and I did not want judgment.
God designed us to desire community!
Here are some scripture verses I feel like God is placing on my heart for you to see of!
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Acts 10:24-25
For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. Matthew 18:20.
Without community, it is very easy to fall into a dark place!
One Sunday, our Pastor recommended a book to the whole church called: " A praying life" by Paul Miller. Because he spoke so passionately about it, I went out and purchased it. Just as I had started to read it, the ladies gave an announcement that some of the other women were reading it too. We were going to add that into our discussions. Great! I now had accountability to read the book. Where we could talk about our struggles, likes and dislikes within the text.
The women of CG confirmed that God still loved me and that I should spend time daily in prayer. A praying life changed my prayer life. I highly recommend reading it. If you have read it, reread it (which is something I should do as well). One thing I took away from reading the book is, "Check in with God, talk to him like you check in with your friends or parents."
That evening I started a prayer journal. This way I could pray, write down my thoughts, and keep track of what God was doing in my life. As I read this book, it also reminded me that God wants me to pray to Him, and he wants the relationship with me! I can honestly say I did not believe it at first. I felt so unworthy after being in the dark place I was in. However, I cried out to him on paper! The majority of the prayers in my prayer journal were for others and their personal prayer requests. Summer came quickly, and our Cg group was done for with the summer. So with my prayer journal and Sunday fellowship with my new church family, I was being fulfilled.
My sister recommended a book called, "Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas. While reading this book on my "summer vacation," I realized that I needed work too. It never occurred to me that I might require change. That God might be trying to change my heart and calling me closer to Him. After seeing some prayers answered; I learned that I could trust God again. Here is the first prayer I think, that changed the way I thought about myself and my life!
Dated 8/3/11 Lord I stand in awe of you! All praise and glory to you! Thank you so much for your help with my prayer and making it consistent, for me needing you and only you. For helping me crawl out of this dark place I have been in. Lord don't let go of me! Hold me close and love me! Hold me and mold me, teach me. I surrender all I am to you to help me be the women you always wanted me to be. I love you, Lord!
From that day forward as I prayed, I prayed for a change in me. I prayed I would grow in God's ways, and that I would be crown for my husband. Also, that I would be a woman after God's heart. I was completely unaware of "The Change" God had done; it wasn't until my family had pointed out a change in me that I even noticed it. I couldn't tell you exactly what they saw, but they commended me for the work I had been doing.
School started for my oldest child and so did Cg group this time with a twist, we began meeting with both boys and girls (husbands and wives together). Thankfully some of the women in my previous group were now in my new group. This was when my desire for community was burning even more. The idea of friendships, the availability to have other women who were like me, desiring a closer walk with the Lord is what I needed. God knew the loneliest place in my heart, that ache for more wasn't just community, but it was an ache for God! I needed more of Him every day!
Each morning we would stand at the bus stop. It was a challenge to get all 3 kids out of bed and out to the bus on time. Who knew that a simple bus stop could lead to lasting friendships and family? More to come...
This period in my life was the foundation of my heart being shaken, where I saw my need for God, my need for relationship, and my need for grace.
"A praying life" by Paul Miller http://www.amazon.com/dp/1600063004/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=31009452805&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4803709672057641836&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_7knzrbm98r_b
"Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Influence-Wives-Shape-Husbands-ebook/dp/B000SEOEGE/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1431547573&sr=1-1&keywords=sacred+influence
"A Praying Life" was a life changing book for me, too. It's so encouraging to read more of the "back story" of what was going on during that time. :)
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